I'm Back!

It has indeed been a while since I have posted anything.
Life has been pretty amazing. And crazy. And hectic. And full of new things.
Honestly, I'm not even really sure where to start. God has been teaching me so many different things, yet I have been learning them so gradually and slowly that it is rather difficult to place a finger on exactly what everything is.
Over the past month, God has continually been bringing me to these verses:
Psalm 34:8 "O taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand."
Basically, the Lord has really been showing me just how much I rely on myself. The plain truth of the matter is, I am an absolute control freak. I like to know exactly what is going on and I like to know that I have total control over the things that are going on. Yet God desires for me to walk in His strength, being upheld by His might.
Basically, the Lord has been showing me that I can't do things on my own. He has been showing me that I tend to view Him as my last resort for help. Rather than seeking to have a personal relationship with Him, I come to Him when things aren't working out according to my plan and whine to Him that He isn't being good to me.
One of the speakers in Chapel had a good analogy to illustrate this idea. As believers, we get all excited about "doing the work of God." So we decide to go out and start working, digging our ditch for the kingdom. We dig and dig, and after a long while our ditch is finally done! With satisfaction we wipe our brows, lay aside our shovels, and look up to God.
"Look!" we cry, "Here is the ditch you told me to dig! Now bless it, God! Fill it up!"
But nothing happens. Our ditch remains empty. We begin to be frustrated. We cry out to God again, "I have finished what you told me to do! I worked long and hard to dig Your ditch! Why won't you bless it? What's wrong with You?!"
Finally, we take the time to actually listen. And this is what God tells us.
"I never told you to dig that ditch. Look over here. I dug a ditch for you."
"But God," you say, "I want my ditch to be full!"
"Yes," God replies. "But you were so busy digging your own ditch that you missed out on all the blessings I poured out on the ditch I intended for you to have."
That sermon has stuck with me. It really made me think: Am I 'digging' for God or for myself? There are so many "good" things I can be doing for God. But am I seeking the best things? Am I willing to wait and seek and get to know God? Do I love God or do I love the things God does for me?
My brain has just been doing a lot of thinking. Not everything has been processed through yet. I am so grateful that God is absolutely faithful!